I normally don’t post about what I feel in the present moment as I have been trying to build up the content of the blog & post what I have been feeling & experiencing in the past & what lead me on this journey to blog about this part of my life. I have had a change of heart as I feel it is important not to put the good & positive on how I am feeling but also the bad & the negative even if it is present day.
We all have our good days & bad days & this is the point I want to make. For the first time in 18 months I am having a break from progesterone & I have stopped taking it for 7 days now. The reason for the break is that I was on progesterone cream for 41 days straight which is a very long time to take! When you are on progesterone therapy you have to take regular breaks & use it as your body would do naturally. I will talk more about progesterone in another blog entry, this is more to do with the effects I am now feeling.
Not only do I need a break as I have been taking it too long for a period of time but I also have no period! I had my last cycle 57 days ago. No I am not pregnant before you all state the obvious! The prolonged progesterone use probably has something to do with it & the higher dose which I started 2 months ago. Since the higher dose my cycle has gone longer, so IGP (Intergrative GP) decided I have a break.
So what are the results of the break, you may ask. Well the most obvious is the short fuse I am on. Wow 1 wrong move by anyone & I am ready to SNAP your head off!! The smallest thing will set me off. I noticed this just a couple of days off the cream.
Today has been the biggest test of all. I am very emotional & the fuse has become shorter. I am loosing my temper with my poor children who are not to blame & I also feel very negative. “What is the use” type feeling. Also feeling very defeated. I had a good cry & then thought to myself what is happening to me? Where the hell is all this shit feeling coming from? Then I realised that I am not on my “feel good hormone” anymore. That I am feeling hormonal. I am all over the shop. My children are not to blame! Or anyone else who is in the firing line.
I feel like Anakin Skywalker!! Part of me is being consumed by the dark side (the negativity, the short fuse) while the other part still has good in me (trying to get back to being calm & positive) So hence my analogy for the day….. Feeling a bit Anakin Skywalker!!
I know this will pass & won’t last, that it is again part of the journey. The good side will win again & peace will be restored to the galaxy!! Sorry can’t help myself…..